He dumped you because you weren’t outgoing enough, thin enough, fun enough, in other words, a “high-value woman”. At least, that’s what a million podcast bros on TikTok would argue.
If you’ve scrolled through TikTok and Instagram reels you’ve most likely seen men with microphones discussing what makes a “high-value” woman, seemingly talking about women as if they are objects and not real people.
And it doesn’t stop there. Scroll a bit further and you’ll find women discussing what makes a “high-value” man, too. It’s a never-ending cycle of expectations, and the disconnect between the sexes couldn’t be clearer.
So what does “high-value” even mean?
Around 2020, the term “High-value” appeared to become a buzzword in social media, used to describe idealized traits in romantic partners. It puts partners into a checkbox, or a set of rules, to determine if the person they are with is up to their standards.
Dwaine Plaza, a sociology professor at Oregon State University, sees this term as a modern twist on outdated gender roles.
“Men would always be seen as somebody you had to catch or convince to be in a relationship with you,” said Plaza.
”Within the DNA of the culture, there’s still this idea that women are supposed to wait for men to initiate something.”
According to the article A Simple Way to Understand the Origin of Gender Roles there was an examination of how traditional gender roles changed from 1946 to the present day. Men were the “providers” and the women were “stay at home” wives that marry their husbands to please them.
It carries into the term “high-value” today, and the term reinforces the idea of gender roles because people put their rules for partners into a check box, similar to how men and women thought of each other years ago.
In social media, the term “high-value” sells so well because it is transactional.
“Everything, unfortunately, is so commodified that it ends up being a situation where even your relationships with either partners or close friends, become a commodified version. Are my friends good enough, you know, are they meeting my standard?” Plaza said.
In other words: dating is not about love anymore, it’s about shopping for the high-quality “product”.
Maryn Huester, a pre-nursing student at OSU, reflected on the pressure to present a perfect version of yourself in the early stages of dating.
“That’s also why the honeymoon phase exists because people are putting on a little bit of a front to make sure they are perceived in a certain light, that might not even be their true personality,” said Huester.
Masina de Clive-Lowe, a 4th year senior marketing major, added that the term itself creates unnecessary pressure to be someone you’re not.
“High-value implies that it’s, like, kind of exclusive and better.” Said Clive-Lowe.
The exclusivity of the term turns dating into a one-sided transaction.
“I think it becomes a naturalized word for them in terms of thinking about potential partners, where they actually will think, what is this person bringing to me? And rarely, what am I bringing to that person?” said Plaza.
The rise of “high-value” dating content reveals a deeper cultural issue – one where people view relationships like business deals and partners like products to be upgraded or replaced.
So yes, maybe he dumped you. But do you want to be measured by a podcast bros definition of what makes a “high-value” woman?
The ultimate value should be you, so don’t let anyone take that away from you.
