Editors note: There has been a correction for the spelling of Ella Mashroutechi’s name. This opinion-piece does not represent the opinion of Beaver’s Digest but rather it reflects the personal opinions and observations of the writer
Hey Mom, why didn’t you complete your master’s degree or at least do a job after your bachelor’s?” I finally asked my mother this summer while we were having breakfast together.
“You know your grand-dad never wanted me to work,” she said. “I wasn’t allowed to work or study after marriage, especially after having you”.
The reply was shocking. I am 21, and I am learning that my mom had to give up her dreams at my age. This brave woman, who completed her bachelor’s in history and literature, had to stop her ambitions simply because she became a mother. My mother.
So you see, this is personal, and I do not wish this upon me or anyone.
Why, as women, do we have to choose between pursuing higher education and the dream of building a family? Men are doing both – why can’t we?
Our “modern” environment is usually supportive when it comes to education for women, but then they have a different perspective when there’s a child involved.
In her blog post on Medium Tavleen Kaur says, “Whether to be a working mom or a stay-at-home mom,” reflecting on the emotional and identity challenges mothers face. She points out that stay-at-home moms often feel isolated and lack financial independence.
But then there are people in the world who are working full-time, and they are managing their babies. I came across a study by the National Library of Medicine. They reviewed how
motherhood affects women’s career progression, and found that mothers still face several barriers even to this day, which we can often refer to as the “motherhood penalty”.
The same study notes that motherhood actually strengthens workplace skills like multitasking and time management. What mothers need, the study concludes, is systemic support: flexible work policies, affordable child care, and — crucially — a cultural shift that normalizes caregiving as a shared responsibility.
The last point is so relatable. Mothers are expected to handle everything, yet society praises fathers for “helping out”.
To understand how women today plan to navigate these things, I spoke with two graduate students at Oregon State University.
Taylor Jones, a molecular toxicology student, said she plans to wait until her 30’s to have children, focusing first on building her career and financial independence.
Ella Mashroutechi, a counseling master’s student, said education has always come first in her family and believes women should never feel pressured to rush into motherhood.
Both had a mutual opinion that the timing of motherhood is deeply personal- guided by goals, not judgment.
I also met a Ph.D. student (who asked to remain anonymous), a mother of two. She shared the daily struggle of balancing school and family. “It’s tough… sometimes I feel like giving up,” she told me. Daycare is expensive and limited. Her story reminded me that support systems make all the difference when it comes to achieving both educational and family goals.
It’s time we normalize that students can pursue degrees without sacrificing their family dreams.
If I find myself one day wanting to pursue higher studies or have a child while working, I’d expect my workplace or school to have real, mindful resources in place…not just for me, but for all the mothers trying to do both.
Every woman has different dreams, and every one of them deserves to live those and not sacrifice one for another. Having kids shouldn’t mean we press pause on our lives or our education.
