Gabriella Montez and Troy Bolton were the “ideal” for teen romance in the early 2000s, the idea that by falling in love, you will grow as an individual. 

In the movies, it is seen that Gabriella felt that her future was dependent on Troy, and this narrative plays out in real life every day for women at this age. 

Disney Channel fed us this idea that if women were patient and kind enough, then men and happiness would automatically follow. 

The older we get, the more we question this ideal, getting into wondering, when did having a boyfriend go from inevitable to optional? 

In our world today, unlearning and retraining our brains to understand that we do not need a man, and you can be Barbie without Ken, is something that we are working to do in a world that never really prepared us for that possibility.

What do we do when this storyline, this idea that romance was proof of maturity and happiness, doesn’t come true on schedule? 

Emily Grasham, a fourth year Oregon State University student studying product and merchandising management, explained that after being in a long-term relationship throughout her high school years, she believed that another boyfriend would come right away because that’s all she had been taught. 

For Grasham, she felt that being single during her first years of college allowed her a newfound sense of independence and exploration, especially being out of state. 

“I think it’s good that I got to go through college by myself and not have to not necessarily depend on anyone else, but have someone depend on me,” she said.  

While Grasham found growth and independence through being single during her college years, the assumption that relationships provide a level of emotional security still persist. 

However, for some students, being in long-term relationships doesn’t fully erase feelings of uncertainty or loneliness that the media promised it would. 

You have to wonder, if the media and these movies and television shows hadn’t preached and highlighted relationships as heavily as they did, would women still feel this degree of loneliness?

Maybe the overarching issue isn’t being single, but it’s being told that during your teenage and early adult years, you should not be single. 

Chloe Eagles, a third year at OSU studying design and innovation management, has had several long-term relationships throughout her life, and feels that relationships don’t always solve issues within yourself. 

“I could be feeling a certain way about myself and the fact that I am in a relationship is kind of like, yeah, I have one more person,” Eagles said. 

A perfect example is that you can still be in a relationship and feel lonely or have hard moments, not because of your partner, but for other outside factors.

Eagles explains that you may not feel sad or lonely because of anything your partner did, but instead they can help you feel better and be there for you to lean on. 

This reality may resonate with many young couples navigating their relationships, but this can also stand in contrast to the storylines we grew up watching, where gaining a relationship marked the end of emotional insecurity and uncertainty, but the reality is that gaining a relationship can still mean that you still have emotional struggles. 

While Grasham and Eagles are on different ends of relationship status’, their experiences challenge the bigger idea of emotional fulfillment. 

Eagles explained that discomfort and uncertainty that many young women feel today is less about whether you have a partner, and more so about the expectations they were taught to have from such a young age. 

Eagles pointed out, “Right now is the best time to do things that you love, and if you have a person that supports you, figuring out what you love and what you want to do then amen, like thats rad a long as they’re supporting you, but if you don’t, then that’s rad too because you have even more time to put yourself first, to explore what you wanna do.”

Being single and not having commitments, or if you are in a relationship, having a partner to support you and your ambitions is what being young is all about. 

At the end of the day, relationships aren’t unnecessary, but they are not the sole determinant of you and your worth. 

For many of us, realizing and accepting that life doesn’t follow this schedule can sting, and it’s easy to feel like we are behind or missing something. 

Maybe the dream didn’t shatter, it just changed. Maybe the new dream is being single, exploring yourself and learning to thrive with or without a partner.

After all, Barbie didn’t need Ken to stand tall, and neither do we.